- Created on Wednesday, 25 September 2013 19:08
- Published Date
- Written by Don Purdum
by Don Purdum
Could it be that you don't have the marriage or business you want because you got the one you deserved? What we get in life is many times a reflection of what we put into our minds which will determine the opportunities we take, the choices that we make, and the decisions we choose.
Over the years I've heard a lot of clichés about marriage:
* Love is blind
* Old ball and chain
* I've heard there are three rings of marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering.
* Marriage takes 50/50
* If the Army wanted you to have a wife, they would have issued you one
The fact is, these particular clichés are damaging to the subconscious and the way you see your spouse, life, work, and business. When you hear and believe these things long enough, they will have a detrimental effect on your mind, relationships, and even work performance.
All clichés do are reinforce the views you already have and help you subconsciously justify your choices and decisions on how you will interact or behave with your spouse, thus, complicating the relationship even more if you’re already struggling. They help you prepare the way out as you scheme and plan and bait both yourself and your partner.
What you tell about yourself says a lot about how you feel and think about others. That will have ripple effects throughout all areas of your life.
For example, you have been telling yourself that you wife is no longer into you. But, the truth is she is exhausted from work, taking care of the kid’s needs as well as yours. It isn't that she isn't interested; it's that she is exhausted. When we misinterpret actions or deeds and start telling ourselves stories that aren't true, we may build up mistrust, fear, worry, or lack of intimacy that erode the relationship.
Because you aren't communicating, you start struggling in the relationship and that will affect your mindset and choices. Perhaps you've lost sleep and now you’re tired and irritated as well. You are not yourself and as a result you don't interact the same way within your business. You take things out on your team and employees unnecessarily. Perhaps you've lost your edge with your prospects and customers and aren't as friendly or outgoing. This can and probably will hurt your business.
The stories we tell ourselves have HUGE impacts on the outcomes of our lives. We have to learn how to become transparent with ourselves.
What is below ground always controls what happens above ground. Farmers always know how to grow great fruit, because they know where the source of the potential is at.
What do you feed your root (i.e. your mind) to ensure that you get a great crop?
Farmers are masters at knowing what season they are in, planting, growing, harvesting, rest. Because smart farmer knows what season they are in, they know how to yield a great crop when it comes time for the harvest.
Every relationship has a season. Don’t allow the negative stories you tell yourself to define your marriage or business when the going gets tough. Perhaps you need to get rid of the disease or root rot that is destroying your relationship. Perhaps you need to better nurture your roots?
You can try to rearrange the seasons, but you will not yield a crop. Your life will still be in chaos. You cannot force it! You will go through your seasons for a reason.
But, whatever you do, do not allow clichés and untrue stories to play a negative role in your mind that corrupts your roots and stops your marriage from growing; or destroys your business.
Instead of allowing negative feelings and thoughts to capture your mind and take your relationship in negative places, try replacing them with good and kind thoughts about your partner that will enhance your marriage and relationship and foster respect, care, admiration, and love.
Instead of making assumptions, and you know what happens when you make assumptions, try going for a walk or get time away and just talk. Share how you are feeling and why you feel the way you do. You may be shocked at what comes back? Try it, I dare you!
Don’t you deserve better than clichés and assumptions? Doesn’t your spouse deserve better? Don’t you want better?
If you want different results, then you will have to change what you are doing. It all starts in your mind!
Don Purdum is a speaker, author, and radio host. He is a veteran of both the U.S. Navy and a former Chaplain in the U.S. Army National Guard. In addition he has owned five businesses over the last nine years and he and his wife Nicole discovered divorce rates among entrepreneurs and businesses owners are approximately 40%. We work with both aspiring and established entrepreneurs, businesses owners and their families to inspire them to happy marriages and successful businesses. You can learn more about Don at www.donpurdum.com.